Middle School

After completion of my studies at Windsor Union Elementary School (Union wasn't necessarily a bad idea back then), I attended Healdsburg Junior High School.  After that little endeavor, I went to Healdsburg High school.  Pretty simple and easy to understand.  Sometime between then and when my first daughter completed her studies at Wilson Elementary School, she attended Cook Middle School.  Cook was decidedly NOT a Junior High School.  It was a Middle School.  Nonsense like that happened all over in the 70's and 80's.  I'm pretty certain that there's a government Office of Renaming Institutions so as to Disguise Their Actual Purpose.  I'd like to work there.  Pay is probably pretty good and I'll just bet that have a dandy dental plan.

While some of the renaming has just gotten truly bizarre, some of it has regained sanity.  In the bizarre list I'll include The Department Of Human Services.  Which is, of course, the Welfare Department, but is cleverly disguised as a government employment agency.  No one will ever know the real purpose.  Some places call it the Department of Health and Human Services.  Government employment agency PLUS healthy living guidelines (don't strangle your kids, quit using crack cocaine, at least while you're pregnant.....that sort of thing, I imagine).

On the other side, I'll include changing the Field Services Division back to Patrol Division at the Police Department.  I'm not certain what exactly a "field service" was, and I'm pretty sure that I didn't want to find out, but if I need a Patrolman to deal with a miscreant, I now know where to call.

During that time frame, the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs (the BNDD), became the Drug Enforcement Agency (the DEA).  That change was neither good nor bad, just a change.  We continued to know what they did for a living.  Since everybody ELSE is changing their name, we want to too, so we'll be the DEA--easier to pronounce than BNDD, at the very least.

So, regarding Middle School, which has apparently stuck, I propose changing Elementary School to Start School, and High School as End School.  Or maybe Beginning School and Finish School.  OK?  Just a little help from your friendly folks at the Office of Renaming Institutions so as to Disguise Their Actual Purpose.  

I'd like to see Rain Forest revert to Jungle, if nobody minds.  I understand the concept of word-smithing, especially in this case--I mean after all, a jungle needs taming and draining, while a rain forest is in need of protecting, what with Robin Hood and Maid Marion being in the forest and all, you see.  A swamp is just a swamp until the EPA makes you call it a wetland with vernal pools. 

The jail becomes the detention center, the police department becomes the department of public safety. 

Turns out that Newspeak didn't happen as a result of Fascism after all, but rather by save-the-whales types and environmentalists. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Very Simple Request

In the late 1970s (that would be during the Carter administration and THAT gas crisis), I drove a Datsun 1200 for a while.   It was a good, small, simple car, and I could afford it even though I had virtually no money. As I recall, it had 12 or 13 inch wheels, no power anything, a four cylinder engine, and a four speed manual transmission.   It was light weight with no amenities.   None.   It had an AM only radio and a tinny little speaker.   No air conditioning either—can you imagine?   No AIR??   On the freeway, when larger cars would pass, the jet wash would buffet the car slightly after the larger car passed.   It was orange, and it routinely got 35 to 50 MPG.   40 to 50 on the freeway and 35 to 45 around town.   When the tires wore out, it was about as expensive as putting new tires on your bicycle.   If it needed brakes, it was about as expensive as putting brakes on your bicycle.   Did I just repeat myself? Here's what the car did.   It provided reliable transportation
Read more

Karma

I see that the Marlin's Scott Cousins has been placed on the 15 day disabled list with a "lower back strain", and has been replaced on their active roster by Hanley Ramirez.  And that the Marlins are 3-18 since leaving San Francisco. Karma's a bitch.
Read more

For Love of the Game

  OK then. Baseball is finally over for my beloved Giants. Thank goodness. This leadership pair of Farhan Zaidi and Gabe Kapler has created a baseball team and method that’s just pitiful. It’s painful to watch. And boring. Tedious. A struggle. Never knowing from day to day who is going to be on the club as players or where they might be in the batting order or what positions they might play. No stars. The way Kapler handles pitchers makes it even worse. One result of the inconstancy in player positions is that the Giants lead all of baseball in errors committed in an era of lower error rates in baseball. I can’t be the only one who sees the problem and the source of said problem. It’s no puzzle why the Giants find it impossible to sign truly first rate talent. I’m a big fan of Mike Yastrzemski and Brandon Crawford, but, other than that…….Who would want to subject themselves to that nonsense, anyhow? It’s no wonder that the ballpark is habitually empty, or nearly so. All
Read more